So, I had this little revelation: All conventions are for Geeks. And I don't mean anything bad by that, as I proudly wear my geekdom on my sleeve. I just mean that it takes a lot of interest and dedication to supply enough related material to pull together a large group and make them pay for the opportunity to buy stuff.
Many people probably think of the classic geekery when it comes to conventions: anime, comics, video games. But there are also conventions for guns and porn. And while sports fans may be hesitant to admit it, they can be complete geeks too. Especially those who play fantasy leagues and attend its conventions. All those stats, men in armor, women in slinky outfits. Face it boys, it's just Dungeons and Dragons for jocks.
But recently I had an opportunity to attend a convention of a whole other type of geekishness, one which I turned away from in my youth. Once upon a time, I consumed books on numerology, burned incense for more than just the smell, and studied "real" magic. I was trying to fill the void more mainstream religion had not. Unfortunately, I eventually found the occult to be just as hollow.
But... I was tempted back by free tickets.
It was called the Body Mind Spirit Expo.
At first glance I saw this merely as an opportunity to snicker softly with my wife as we checked out booths dedicated to dream interpretation and aura therapy. A chance to mock New Age mumbo jumbo.
Sadly, I was mostly proven right.
Upon entering, we were given a special cleansing: a free Luna Fiber bar. Nice. But is it life changing? Well, for some it could be. Joy didn't like her's, so I ate them both. Are they strong enough for a man?
The first booth we approach offered to magically melt away cellulite. I don't know the name of the product or brand, but the handy coupon doubled as a fan.
Next up was a variety of drinks. The first was a Red Bull-sized can meant for relaxation. Lanilai, we learned, contains no melatonin. This is good because if you consume too much artificially, your body will stop producing it naturally and then you will become impotent. To quote their web site: "The most simplest description of LANILAI Relaxation Drink is a delicious calming ice tea best serve chilled!" They also had beverages with the fastest way to make your face implode: made with pure ginger, mint, and grapefruit.
While stereotypes based on race, religion, sex, and/or age may be misplaced, this isn't necessarily true of geek cultures. I knew we would eventually run across a large assortment of crystals. When we did, I can honestly say I was surprised by some of what we found. Many were in the shape of blades and others in the shape of "magic wands". I guess you need a backup plan if the psychic based dating service falls through.
The winner of the best book award goes to "How to spot a bastard by his star sign" by Adele Lang. We read through my profile (I'm an Aries) and it's mostly untrue. I swear.
And plenty of bath salts were offered. But these would make you a different kind of zombie, depending on which "flavor" you selected. Expecting your bath product to grant you happiness or make you more appealing to the opposite sex is a waiting game that can zone you out from the rest of society.
The real gem of the show was a seminar about names. I wanted to know more about how we choose our names before we were born, but came away with a new revelation. Our names are important, they are part of a label that helps separate us from others. Not in a negative context, but in one that grants more respect upon you (sets you apart as an individual) and responsibility upon others (they must learn and remember your name). While how you say something is often just as important as what is said, there is a tone that comes with the letters used in your name. I always talk about how angry the German language sounds. Say "I love you" in German and you seem pissed off. If your name has Germanic roots, anyone who calls it may sound angry. Which could prove stressful. And while I may not believe we choose our names before we are born physically, we can certainly choose our names when we are born into new life stages. When we start our career, we can tell our co-workers what name to call us by, thus helping to direct our destiny.
