Way of the Warrior

So, late last summer I was convinced to do this totally insane thing. Insane, even for me. It involved lots of running and being outdoors and I was totally unprepared. Wouldn't I rather be watching a movie, playing a video game, or sleeping?

But I saw the pictures: running over the tops of derelict cars, being outdoors to jump over fires, preparing for a ninja battle. (Oh, wait. There are no ninjas in pictures)

I had to admit, I was intrigued and interested. So I signed up.

With only a week to prepare, I bought a new pair of running shoes and jogged three miles a night. Had to break-in the shoes and break-in my muscles because I was going on my first mud run. That's right, this was Warrior Dash 1.0.


I was about to find out exactly how out of shape I was. Those three mile night jogs? There was actually a lot of walking involved, and some very heavy breathing. After the first night, I could barely walk the next day. But I was bound and determined to complete this race and to perform well.


It was Atheana that got me into to this mess, so I would be competing against her and her husband Carey. But Atheana was feeling competitive, saying she's going to smoke me. I responded that I've got plenty of stamina. She fires back "You can't run the race on your knees!" Touche.

As it took Atheana at least fifteen minutes longer to reach the finish line than I did, it was a lot of talk with no show. But I had become addicted.

Now: Warrior Dash 2.0: The Glutton for Punishment!

I've mentioned my previous mud runs this year: Foam Fest and Run for Your Lives. I also had the Spartan Sprint to start this season off. Plus, I've been going to the gym since March. I was much better prepared for the Dash this time around. I was familiar with much of the course, it's obstacles, and had gotten into much better shape.

So, how did it go?

This time I went solo, no family, no friends. Just me against the world.

And right off the bat, luck is against me.

I'm just settling into flu symptoms that started a couple days before. Sore throat and cough being no friends to running. The weather is cool, overcast, and near raining. My clothing choice, though appropriate most mud runs, leaves me unprotected from the environment and with chattering teeth. However, these are minor setbacks against all the preparations I've made.

I'm expecting a near clone of last year as I approach the same start line as before. With the flamethrowers announcing the beginning of the race, my three hundred-odd companions and I take off into the woods. Over a small hill, down into a ravine, then up a steep, dusty, and winding trail that really kills all the enthusiasm the race announcer had built-up minutes before.

Like last year, the first obstacle is the river. Previously, we jumped into the water, climbed over a couple logs and then came out again on the same shore. This time logs were replace by tumbling jugs, like underwater broncos trying to buck you off. We also had to wade quite far downstream, over a river bottom filled with random craters. My guess was they had dredged the bed to remove large rocks and left holes everywhere. A much tougher swim this time around.

Most of the obstacles returned from last year, and the race ran pretty much the same course. But two of my favorites were removed. First, the earlier mentioned running over a car junkyard. Second, the wobbly table tops. Like playing the lava game as a kid, where you have to jump from one piece of furniture to another without touching the ground, you have to move from table to table. Each surface only has a single leg and is not very stable. Last year, I passed these flawlessly. I missed them this time around.

With some obstacles missing, they had to introduce some new ones. We got a much denser and difficult version of the spiders web that I had first encountered at the Foam Fest. There were also some trench and barbed-wire crawls.

I kept a pretty good pace most of the race, but there were many times I was so winded I had to walk. But as long as we were not headed uphill, I would catch my breath and start to run again. When I got toward the end of the race, when I knew that all that stood between me and the finish was a small hill, fire, and mud I found a second wind and really increased my pace. I started passing folks left and right and gave everything I had left to finish strong.

I performed much better this year. By looking at the race results I made the top 100 for my age group. And I was less than 10 minutes away from the lead. I was also in the top 10% overall. I don't know my official results from last year's race, but by best estimates, this year I beat it by 10 minutes. I like those odds for coming out on top next year.

At the end of the day I took a dip in the pond to remove the mud and donated my now year-old shoes, purchased originally to run the race last year but still in good shape, to GreenSneakers. Now, my running shoes are those I got from Portlandia.

Now that I've closed out this year for mud runs, I'll continue to train, to come out on top of the Warrior pile, but also be ready for the more insane Tough Mudder next year.

All roads lead to Foam

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow to be a ninja. Or at least a superhero. Well, that really just meant I wanted to be Batman.

I dedicated my life to pop culture: watching movies and cartoons, reading books and comics, bringing my mind to the absolute pinnacle of human potential. However, I didn't do the same for my body. I did some working out with my father, took various martial arts classes, and even learned a bit of gymnastics. I didn't devote myself to it. I was an amazingly fit nerd, not too physically coordinated, though I did a lot of walking, which kept me in shape.

As a geek I know this: superheroes train, a lot. The X-Men had the Danger Room, and many other heroes had some sort of training ground to help simulate the types of territory they may dispense justice within or ground they may cover during a chase. When I was a kid, my dad bought twenty acres of property. While he had very specific plans for much of it, one thing we talked about was building an obstacle course. One step on my way to superhero-dom. Well, that never actually materialized, but we did get a trampoline, and I used that to good effect.

Lately, I've been going to the gym quite extensively. Four or five days a week running and weight lifting. Still not reaching the levels of Bruce Wayne or Matt Murdock, but above average for a geek. But it's training, and for a more realistic purpose. Last year I was introduced to mud runs, which found a special place in my little nerd heart.

For those unfamiliar, a mud run is an obstacle course through some rough back country. You run over fields, through woods, and up and down hills. While many races share some common obstacles, such as wall climbing, there is a theme that sets aside some special obstacles for a particular event. And, as the name suggests, there is always mud. You will not come out of this clean. 

This past Saturday's event was the 5K Foam Fest. It's a bit on the easier side that the ones I've done before, but still an exhausting challenge. As with most events, team participation and costumes are encouraged. For a would-be superhero, I'm not much into the theatricality of it all. Instead, I'm there to challenge and push myself. I'm there for the competition, which is my own form of fun.

Foam Fest starts with a nice little jog across a pasture, before heading into the woods. Five foot wall climb, no problem. Crawling on your belly through a mud filled trench, no sweat. They didn't even use barbed-wire on this course, as most others do. Easy! Ouch... Some of the ropes over the pit that keep you crawling are electrified! More running. Another, now eight foot, wall. Here's something new: the spider forest. Ropes tied tree to tree like spider webs that you have to jump over, duck under, or a combination of the two. Football practice-type tire run. Where is all the foam?

Eventually, after a tough hill climb, jumping over trees, we come a halt. There is a line to ride down the ginormous slip-n-slide. And it's foam powered! Many took the ride and wiped out at the bottom, me included. But I was up and running again without injury. Then, more foam. A giant ball pit filled with the stuff. A human car wash, which had foam over six feet high and gave me my first mouthful of the nasty tasting stuff.

More mud, more hills, more obstacles, and even more foam at the finish (including my second mouthful). I'll admit it wasn't all running. During the later uphill portions I did some power-walking. I got passed by some folks, but passed others. But I never stopped, I continued to push. I completed the course in just under fifty minutes. My best time for such a race, but when you get down to the numbers 4 miles per hour isn't that impressive. Next time I'll do better...

Besides, nothing better than a good mud bath.