Portland's Pants-less Parade

So, I've previously discussed my appreciation for the unclothed form. And I'll admit, I have no aversion to wearing less than the full complement of attire. So there are some opportunities that I can't pass up. But in January? Really?

Well, finally, I would not let the cold of winter allow me to chicken out once again. You see, for many years Portland has participated in a nation wide phenomenon. It all started in New York as a prank by the folks at Improve Everywhere eleven years ago. The idea is simple:

1. Get on a public transit train (in NY this means the Subway, in PDX it's the Max).
2. Take your pants off.
3. Pretend like nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

Of course, doing this during some of the chilliest weather of the season seems like madness, but that's part of the charm. It is far more difficult to feign ignorance to a lack of trousers when there are goosebumps on your thighs. The forecast called for near freezing temperatures, but I could not let even the ice on the sidewalk deter me. 

I had some choices to make as I prepared to head downtown: what to wear, what to unwear? Perhaps this is a case of TMI (so you may want to skip over the rest of this paragraph), but I'm a boxers man. In the lead up to the event I had pretty much settled on wearing my pirate shorts with their little Jolly Rogers with red hearts for eyes. Cute, right? My wife made a slight hint that I should go for the silky ones instead. Suddenly: inspiration! I have Santa boxers. Which would keep me warm with their white fringe (totally legit). The musical jingle bells would be a plus. I dressed in a santa-ish t-shirt and my santa hat to complete the look.

The plan was to meet at the designated location at the appointed time. I was running behind due to a conflict with a gym class and got there just in time for the reporter from Fox news to finish interviewing a friend (missed this opportunity to be on TV, but my wife and friends are there, so kudos to them). No one was without pants yet, but we were filling our bodies with warming liquids.

Like lemmings we marched on Pioneer Square and hit the east bound Max train. Once we were all aboard, we dropped trou. And boy did the strangers on the train get a show. There were many oohs, ahhs, and laughs from those unwittingly witness to our gag. Invitations to join in the festivities were brushed off with a blushing giggle or a coy smile. Complements were shared on our choice of attire. Plenty of geek cred was handed out. And, as the rules stipulated, not a thong was in sight. 

We rode the train to the Lloyd Center stop and got out to prance about near the park. We started showing off for each other and for the innocent bystanders, mall rats, and the disheveled youths who gathered to gawk and stare. After a bit of tomfoolery, we boarded the westward light rail to head back to our point of origin. A much shorter trip had us at the Square once more where we paused for a group photo or two. 

On the march back to the bar, we stopped in front of a fancy restaurant to do the Can-can.

Having gotten public displays out of our systems, and with the darkening sky descending upon us, we returned to home base for pant-less libations and dancing. There was a contest to show off our moves, but I failed to make the cut (fifth of four). In the end, the festivities are much warmer than you may imagine, you spend most of your time indoors, you're very active, and the people your are with are simply fantastic.

So, what about you? Would you ever do something so against the grain of common society? Something off the wall that others may find offensive even though it's harmless?

Getting some more Leverage

Sunday afternoon saw me downtown in the Lloyd District, dressed in a suit complete with tie. I joined a group of about thirty others of similar attire. Aside from our clothes, we were a diverse crowd: men, women, young, old, tall, short. As random a subset of humanity as you are likely to see anywhere, but we were all of a common purpose: to be anonymous.

Ah, the mostly glamorless world of being an Extra. This would be my sixth time performing this little hobby. The fourth specifically for Leverage. This time we were a group for business professionals walking about the street.

The Leverage crew had taken over most of the Lloyd District with the exception of the mall. It was a like a 10 block section of town, just so we could cross streets unmolested. Most of the work was pretty tame compared to what I've had to do in the past.

It started with simply walking across a parking lot, as if we are just arriving for work. We cross the lot, back to beginning, cross again... Then they decided that we were a little fast forward. I had been walking from "my" car (with my Prop Cup-o-Coffee!). The reset had me most of the way to the building. What does that mean? That there is enough time to turn me around and send me back to the car in the same take. Like I got to the building and said WTF?! I'm at the wrong address!

I always try to have a little story to my part.

In the next scene I had to walk into the same building, but from a different direction, and I had a walk partner, Lynn. She, even in her fabulous high-heeled boots, was shorter than my son (sorry Lynn, I'll love you forever!), so I had to walk at "a measured pace". Nothing too fancy here, just walking toward one of the stars of the show (we're probably over her shoulder when you watch the episode).

Then we broke for lunch. Guess what? We are filming the last episode for the season. You know that means? A very fancy meal. They were serving lobster tail! But our handlers said "You guys won't get to eat that fancy food, just stick to the middle table and the salad bar." Just before heading over, they hammered in the point: "Fancy food: not for you." Then as soon as we get in line: "Oh, yeah, you can have fancy food."

But I don't eat giant sea bugs. It has claws. A lobster is a giant, underwater, scorpion with no stinger. It's anatomy is the same as most of the things we squash around our house, only much larger. It's like a caricature of a roach. I can't believe that anyone eats anything so low on the evolutionary chain.


Anyway... I had the filet mignon. So I was satisfied.


Later, the handlers were looking for the person with the shortest hair. Currently, I need a haircut, so didn't qualify. I was pretty much willing to shave my head, but I think they were kidding when they asked who would do so... maybe. Anyway, someone else got the job: here, put on this police uniform. Then he got to get in a police car, with a STUNT DRIVER. Color me: jealous. They did a small stunt of a screeching u-turn to chase down a getaway van. 


Next, we had another outdoor scene of people just walking about. But I got to cross the street! Why is that special? Because the stars of the show were standing on the island in the middle of the street. I walk touching distance from them in the shot. I'm bound to be super famous after this, I'm sure. 


For the final shot of the day, everyone stands in a line to enter a "theater" for a showing of Macbeth. Guess who's taking tickets? Your's truly, of course. 


In the end, I had grabbed way more than my fair share of Chocolate Chip and Peanut Butter Granola Bars from the "Crafty Cart", was more liked than the Korean dude (who was getting on everyone's nerves, including mine), and stood in line behind Timothy Hutton at the fancy food line at lunch. Victory all around. 

Portlandia, land of fun

So, I've been thinking about writing this blog for a while now. But I'm so busy doing all this fun, crazy stuff that I have little time to sit down and talk about it. Well, f- it. I'm going to make time, rather than wait for it to come to me. That's one thing I've really learned in the past couple years, if you wait until you have the free time to do something, you'll never do it. You have to plan. You have to say to yourself that "I'm going to do such and such at this specific time" (hopefully you're plans are more concrete than that). Then stick to that schedule, it's the only way you'll get anything done. And remember, no one is advocating for you. You have to be you're own motivation.

Enough with the poster quotes.

I'm going to start this blog off with what I did yesterday. You see, I have a job. I tell other people how to get Photoshop to do the things they want it to do. It's not what I dreamed about as a kid. It's not what I went to college for. But I like it nonetheless. However, for a long time I wanted to make movies. Usually that meant writing or directing. I went to college to learn computer animation so I could make digital effects. Although I've moved in a different career direction, I still have a great love of movies. I watch them as often as I can. I love going to the theater on premiere night. I love watching movies in foreign countries without subtitles. And I am still fascinated by all the behind the scenes techno-babel.

So yesterday, I had another opportunity to work at my side job. From time to time I get to be an Extra. It's a mini-dream come true. I get to watch as something is created. It's the same kind of thrill as opening the box of a jigsaw puzzle or turning the newspaper to that blank crossword. Being on the set of a TV show is cookie dough to me. The finished product is great, but the process of getting there is half the fun.

I've been an extra a couple times now, and it's mostly minimum wage work, but I don't do it for the money. I get to watch the lighting crews set up the scene, to see actors rehearse and flub their lines, to ad lib. Watch as a director makes order out of chaos. And most importantly, I get to be on TV!

This time around I filmed an episode of Portlandia for it's third season. I love this show for it's great ability to stereotype all of the friends and strangers I've come to know since making PDX my home. As I tell my out of town friends and family, this show is a spot-on depiction of what Stumptown is like.

When you are an extra, you are generally given very little notice of where you are going to shoot, or when. You are asked to wear something specific and to bring extra options. If you fail, they still have the wardrobe department to back you up. This time around, my second option was the preferred costume. But I can't really say why, as we signed an NDA, but it had to do with product branding. Other extras were wearing brand conflicting materials and had to ditch them. They didn't like my shoes (nothing personal, just not what they were looking for), so I was given a brand new pair. At the end of the day, when returning the shoes to wardrobe, they said "keep 'em". Score! Free pair of fancy athletic shoes.

There were 8 or 9 extras for the shoot (I wasn't sure if one guy was an actor or not, plus we were at an open gym, so there were lots of "civilians" running around). I got to work very closely with the lead actors of the show: Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein. Let me just say, they are great people to work with. Fred constantly thanked us for our patience and for helping them create the shots. It was interesting to find out that the show (or at least our skit) was unscripted, the director would shout out a general direction for the scene to move in and the actors would just roll with it. Each take was unique, very little overlapping dialog. I'm sure it's an editors worst nightmare to mine the footage and assemble it. Or it might be a dream to have so much material from which to create something. Actually, video editing was one of the things I liked learning most while in school.

We filmed at a gym, but I was surprised by the amount of exercise I got. So when you see the episode and were watching through a window as Fred and Carrie fight, those arms pumping iron are mine. Later we all did a cycling class together. We biked a lot and we biked hard.

I don't know when my episode will air, but I'll be sure to let all my friends and family know when I do.

Tomorrow's adventure: Tomato fighting.