A whole city to discover

So, the year is full of these holidays which have traditions that get people to behave ways that would seem strange any other time of year. Halloween is my favorite. It asks us to dress in a fashion we normally couldn't get away with and others are only going to compliment us on our most hideous choices. People open their doors to complete strangers and then hand out candy with only a minimal threat. And it only gets better when you grow up because there are parties, alcohol, and women dressing as slutty possible.

At the other end of the year you have Easter, which has these strange practices: hide eggs and hope the kids can find them all before they rot (since the adults have likely already forgotten where they put them), surround yourself with bunnies, and eat candy until you're sick. Oh yeah, and Jesus or something.

But littered through the rest of the calendar are these really esoteric days. And the one that presented me with a small adventure recently was Columbus Day. And just what are you supposed to do on Columbus Day? Well, just what are we celebrating? Christopher Columbus sailed across the Atlantic, did not find what he was looking for, and was a total dick to the natives.

There really is only one thing you can do on Columbus Day to do it justice: dress like a pirate and go around "discovering" things that others already knew existed, "claim" them for King/Queen/Country, and leave a flag.

This was a small voyage of just a few intrepid adventurers along the shores of Burnside. We first landed in a quaint cove, exchanged banter with the wenches, and threatened to return. Next, we sailed across the alley to a small isle, where we were creeped-out by a Crispin Glover look-alike (to be fair, we also annoyed him by not buying anything, in true Columbus style). We rounded the corner to reveal a village of natives. Here we had the traditional Columbus Day drink: a cheap margarita. We then explored the caverns under a pink mountain and trekked  to a distant shore where we espied unveiled treasure chests. After a second tour of the big pink tunnels, we made our way to Haiti for some sugary delights.

Along the way, we left a trail of notices for future travelers:

• Finders keepers. - C. Columbus
• Let me explore you. - C. Columbus
• I saw it first. -C. Columbus

We may do this again next year, bigger, more organized, and with a better claim.

We didn't end our pirate adventures for the week though. The following Friday saw us with a group of scalawags to sing the night away with classic (and not so classic) shanties. The room had plenty of space, and liquor, which is important if you don't want to be pillaged (and if you do, it can be arranged).