Team Sports Training

So, I'm not much for watching sports. I know how it works, I understand the rules, I appreciate the athleticism. But I don't follow any teams, in any leagues, and could care less if this team defeats that one. I find watching the endeavor on TV to be extremely boring.

However, being a live spectator is a whole other experience.

I went to a fair number of professional sports games when I was a kid growing up in the LA area. I have very distinct memories of seeing the Angels play on their home turf. But it's been decades since I've attended a pro match.

All grown up now, I do a fair bit of travel for work. This often sees me going to Adobe headquarters in San Jose. I've been here so many times that I have to seek new thrills. Most of my colleagues were staying at the luxurious Fairmont hotel. For adventures sake, I opted to stay at the less posh, but more historic, Saint Claire.

Generally our boss will entertain the team with a fancy diner. This time we got a special treat: travel up to San Francisco to catch a Giants game.

Like all such situations, there was a plan in place. It was simple, would satisfy our goals, and was foolproof. Take Caltrail up the length of the bay, arrive early, enjoy the festivities. No problem.

When we got off work, Pete and I headed back to the Saint Claire together to drop off our work materials and get changed before meeting everyone else at the Fairmont. But we needed to pick up something from his car first and our hotel was further away. There was a time table for the plans, so everybody else took off: we'd catch up. This, it turned out, required a bit of running. We arrived just as our boss had finished purchasing the last of our tickets and we made it to the train on schedule.

But the universe had other plans.

Seems a BMW got clipped on the train tracks. Not our train, but one in front of us. We were delayed while things got cleaned up. Half of our train had reached the platform and many passengers sensed a long wait. These opted to BART the rest of the way, leaving only Giants fanatics behind. More than half an hour later we were cleared to travel again. But now our schedule was entirely off. So much for well-laid plans.

Instead of arriving early, we got to AT&T Park somewhere around the end of the second inning. The Giants had already scored and we hadn't even entered Willie Mays Gate. Bing handed out our tickets and I was assigned a seat next to Jeff. The two of us decided to stick close because everyone got split up as we entered the park. Our tickets were for the third terrace and we'd only made it to the top of the first when we'd lost nearly everyone. We found Baxter and the three of us continued to take the long way round to our seats.

We were in the View Box, a bit of seating that hangs off the main stands area. It offers a spectacular view of the field but makes it a little harder to find. Our section was near the top of the third base foul pole, which made the likelihood of a ball batted into our region about nil.

I headed to the gift shop to pick up some souvenirs. I got a shot glass for Joy, a key chain for Atheana, and Tim Lincecum in Lego form for William. While I was shopping the Giants scored again when someone hit a triple.

Participating in the national pastime is a strange mix of enthusiasm and Pavlovian shepherding. People cheer when a good play is made, boo at a bad call, and go nuts when there is a home run. But we also clap and sing on the demands of audio and visual cues that are staples at any game. The video cameras also sweep the crowd and encourage specific behavior. There was the "kissing cam", which would show a couple sitting together on the jumbotron until they did the deed. It could be cute, romantic, or downright steamy. Toward the end of the game we had the Gangnam Style cam, rousing folks to pony up.

There was a fight in the stands behind us at one point. Don't know many of the details, but I watched a wide-eyed bald man make an attempt at escape but he was caught by security. Later the paramedics came and picked up a woman who was limping and upset but didn't seem to be in terrible shape.

And what's a game without the Wave? The section above us also tried to get this going. While some participated and others merely ignored, other folks got rather heated and started screaming for this nonsense to stop. If you're not going along with the crowd, what's the point? If your main concern is watching the game uninterrupted, why not watch it at home?

Physics can occasionally play out strangely during a sporting event. At one point when a batter hit the ball, the bat split. The largest chunk went flying toward the shortstop and landed near the edge of the infield sticking straight up like a spoon in thick chili.

The greatest hazard faced during the entire event though was the seagulls. They would perch, pick their targets, and then head out in massive bombing runs. I was never hit, but there was a close call a couple seats in front of me. But we always had half an eye on the sky.

Most of my team left at the top of the eighth to catch a train back. The next wouldn't be for another hour, but I'd come to watch the game. We'd missed the beginning, I'd missed a chunk of the middle for shopping and to food lines. I would be damned if I was going to miss the end as well. Not that there were going to be any surprises. The Giants were up 5-0 and had been dominating the game. By the end they scored one more time, not even completing the ninth inning as the game was already over.

I caught the next train, but it was an all-stop special, so it took nearly an hour and half to get home. It was nearly 1 a.m. by the time I made it back to the hotel and I still wanted to hit the gym. Waking up the next day for work was nearly impossible, but I don't regret any of my decisions that night.

Way of the Warrior

So, late last summer I was convinced to do this totally insane thing. Insane, even for me. It involved lots of running and being outdoors and I was totally unprepared. Wouldn't I rather be watching a movie, playing a video game, or sleeping?

But I saw the pictures: running over the tops of derelict cars, being outdoors to jump over fires, preparing for a ninja battle. (Oh, wait. There are no ninjas in pictures)

I had to admit, I was intrigued and interested. So I signed up.

With only a week to prepare, I bought a new pair of running shoes and jogged three miles a night. Had to break-in the shoes and break-in my muscles because I was going on my first mud run. That's right, this was Warrior Dash 1.0.


I was about to find out exactly how out of shape I was. Those three mile night jogs? There was actually a lot of walking involved, and some very heavy breathing. After the first night, I could barely walk the next day. But I was bound and determined to complete this race and to perform well.


It was Atheana that got me into to this mess, so I would be competing against her and her husband Carey. But Atheana was feeling competitive, saying she's going to smoke me. I responded that I've got plenty of stamina. She fires back "You can't run the race on your knees!" Touche.

As it took Atheana at least fifteen minutes longer to reach the finish line than I did, it was a lot of talk with no show. But I had become addicted.

Now: Warrior Dash 2.0: The Glutton for Punishment!

I've mentioned my previous mud runs this year: Foam Fest and Run for Your Lives. I also had the Spartan Sprint to start this season off. Plus, I've been going to the gym since March. I was much better prepared for the Dash this time around. I was familiar with much of the course, it's obstacles, and had gotten into much better shape.

So, how did it go?

This time I went solo, no family, no friends. Just me against the world.

And right off the bat, luck is against me.

I'm just settling into flu symptoms that started a couple days before. Sore throat and cough being no friends to running. The weather is cool, overcast, and near raining. My clothing choice, though appropriate most mud runs, leaves me unprotected from the environment and with chattering teeth. However, these are minor setbacks against all the preparations I've made.

I'm expecting a near clone of last year as I approach the same start line as before. With the flamethrowers announcing the beginning of the race, my three hundred-odd companions and I take off into the woods. Over a small hill, down into a ravine, then up a steep, dusty, and winding trail that really kills all the enthusiasm the race announcer had built-up minutes before.

Like last year, the first obstacle is the river. Previously, we jumped into the water, climbed over a couple logs and then came out again on the same shore. This time logs were replace by tumbling jugs, like underwater broncos trying to buck you off. We also had to wade quite far downstream, over a river bottom filled with random craters. My guess was they had dredged the bed to remove large rocks and left holes everywhere. A much tougher swim this time around.

Most of the obstacles returned from last year, and the race ran pretty much the same course. But two of my favorites were removed. First, the earlier mentioned running over a car junkyard. Second, the wobbly table tops. Like playing the lava game as a kid, where you have to jump from one piece of furniture to another without touching the ground, you have to move from table to table. Each surface only has a single leg and is not very stable. Last year, I passed these flawlessly. I missed them this time around.

With some obstacles missing, they had to introduce some new ones. We got a much denser and difficult version of the spiders web that I had first encountered at the Foam Fest. There were also some trench and barbed-wire crawls.

I kept a pretty good pace most of the race, but there were many times I was so winded I had to walk. But as long as we were not headed uphill, I would catch my breath and start to run again. When I got toward the end of the race, when I knew that all that stood between me and the finish was a small hill, fire, and mud I found a second wind and really increased my pace. I started passing folks left and right and gave everything I had left to finish strong.

I performed much better this year. By looking at the race results I made the top 100 for my age group. And I was less than 10 minutes away from the lead. I was also in the top 10% overall. I don't know my official results from last year's race, but by best estimates, this year I beat it by 10 minutes. I like those odds for coming out on top next year.

At the end of the day I took a dip in the pond to remove the mud and donated my now year-old shoes, purchased originally to run the race last year but still in good shape, to GreenSneakers. Now, my running shoes are those I got from Portlandia.

Now that I've closed out this year for mud runs, I'll continue to train, to come out on top of the Warrior pile, but also be ready for the more insane Tough Mudder next year.

Gorillas in the Midst of PDX

So, I've lived in Portland and it's environs for over a decade. Some may argue that it will take another two before I could really claim to be a proper citizen. But I like to think I've been somewhat naturalized by having a son born downtown or that I've at least been adopted by the local community. I've walked every street, drank at most of the bars, and tipped a fair share of the strippers.

There are various landmarks in the city, many of which I've learned the history of, climbed, and/or been married to. Rarely does such knowledge, talent, or relationship get tested or prove of much use. Unless you are the hosting a walking tour, the best you'll get is mild banter out of it. 

Yet a scavenger hunt can prove to be the best use of such trivia (except an all PDX episode of Jeopardy is produced). So when the offer to join the Gorilla Challenge came in, I knew I'd found a very special calling.

The basic premise here is that you are given clues to various locations around town, upon visiting those locations you must provide photo (sometimes video) evidence of having been there. And not just any photo, you have to be doing something slightly questionable. Additionally, there are some mandatory physical challenges to complete.

A team of at least two people is required to participate and costumes are encouraged. So I gathered together my wife Joy, our long time friend Atheana, and new racing buddy Bonnie. We decided to go with a wedding party theme for our group. Since I was the only male it was obvious I should be the bride. Bonnie played my husband (in a tutu), Atheana a bride's maid, and Joy was the flower girl. We went with the name "Wedding Crashers"

As for the challenge itself, all contestants met at the Rock Bottom Brewery, got signed in, had a drink or two, and waited for the start time. While we mingled through the crowd I got complemented on being such a beautify bride many times. We met Mark Eisnehart (past and future American Ninja Warrior participant and fitness guru) and was interviewed by Laddie Read (of Mainstreamed Media, a platform for the disabled to be a part of the press). After a review of the rules, we got things started, with a quick jog to the other end of the block to get our first clue sheet.

We quickly identified our first item which sent us up to the former ground-zero for the Occupy movement, there we had to have a picture of one of our team members picking up another member in front of the pioneer statue. Then it was up to Ira Keller falls for a three legged, four fisted gorilla crawl. This was the first of our physical challenges. The next was a YMCA dance-off against another team in the park. Then, for gross-out factor, we had to spray "fruit punch" into another team member's mouth so they could spit it in a cup. Turns out the fruit punch was actually red dye and vinegar (lucky me Atheana had volunteered to be our taster for this challenge).

Other photo/video scavenger items including singing and dancing like a lemur in front of Portland's most tourist happy location, the Chicken Dance by a building dedicated to a candy maker, acting like a gorilla outside a benefactor of the homeless, a mimed tug-of-war outside the guardians of history, and Marco Polo by the worlds smallest park. 

We covered miles of territory during the event, scavenged ten of the twelve possible challenges (we failed an eleventh), and completed the event after two hours. We didn't win one of the prizes, but better luck next time.